Saturday, September 28, 2013

Sure, I'll Show You What I Look Like Without Makeup

Lately a lot of guys have been asking what I look like without makeup (Uh the same, only slightly blotchier and without these black lines over my eyes? How am I supposed to answer that?) or telling me they like girls who wear less makeup or have more of a "natural" look or other bullshit comments like that. Listen, it's great that you reject traditional standards of beauty and think you're really on the forefront of things, but you're only contributing to this confusing thing where women are expected to look nice, told makeup helps them do this, but are also told not to wear it? Pretty confusing. I also feel like these sort of comments also assume that women wear makeup for men--which um, I'm sorry not everything revolves around you!

Sure, you can see what I look like without makeup...I think I look pretty much the same..and I see makeup as more of a daily art project that I get to do on my face every morning. FUNN!!! So fine, whatever here's my makeup "routine" and what I look like without makeup.

Ahh what is that disgusting looking thing? Dude that's my face pre-makeup and you need to be nice. At this moment in time I had taken a shower 10 minutes previously and was trying to look as high as possible. Actually whatever, I think I look fine here I would totally go outside looking like this.
I want to make a comment about looking like a sea monster but I actually think I look great, screw you.

So first I use this bamboo brush from Ecotools to apply foundation to my face. I use Physician's Formula Organic Wear Tinted Moisturizer in "Light to Natural" aka white as all hell. I like both of these products because they're environmentally friendly and free from a lot of gross/harmful chemicals that can give you cancer. It goes on pretty easily and it's light enough to cover "blemishes" and splotchiness and all that good stuff without making your face a completely different color from the rest of your skin.

Next I apply some pH Matchmaker Bronzer stuff all over my face over the other stuff. To be completely honest I don't see the difference this stuff makes but I still do it because it's fun and I heard you're supposed to. Next step!
I fill in my eyebrows with Elf Eyebrow Kit. You can get it at Target and it only costs $3. It makes your eyebrows look so much thicker and fuller and makes my eyebrow twitching so much more dramatic. I only ever use the waxy stuff on the left side with the small side of the brush and throw the other part away when I'm done. Oops?
It makes my sad face so much more dramatic and I want you to know that I'm sad so I make this face. 
Next I put on eyeliner which is the hardest and most fun part, because I love the way eyeliner makes me look like Brigitte Bardot (in my dreams?) and it is very hard to draw straight lines, especially without poking myself in the eye. I use Maybelline Master Precise in the darkest black and I like to make it kinda thick. I have looked into more environmentally friendly eyeliners and some other options but this is sort of the only one I can use without making a huge mess. It will never be even on both sides, it's gonna be ok.

Sometimes I wear mascara but not very often because I have dark and long lashes already and I don't care. But sometimes it seems like a fun thing to do so I put it on. I use Great Lash because it's super cheap although I have heard a lot of people hate this mascara and it's pretty much the worst one. Maybe use a different one cause it's super clumpy. Am I starting to look glamorous or what! 
Sometimes I wear lipstick, not super often but just for special occasions like watching an entire season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my bed. Lately I have been using Revlon Just Bitten in "Gothic" because it makes my lips look so dark red and bloody. Then I look like a vampire or a zombie who just ate some brains which is so cool and scary.
I will beat you up and eat your brains. It worked particularly well this day where--you guessed it--I didn't leave the house.

The color is actually supposed to be a lighter red, I am just putting like a million coats on. I'm not sure I would really recommend this because it's basically a marker for your lips and it's really hard to apply and goes on really uneven. It is also impossible to get off, so it will be there all day. 
On the particular day that I did this tutorial I also put some Maybelline Sensational Lipcolor in "Are You Red-dy" on top of the other stuff. It's just a normal cream lipstick, but it melted in my car so it was very hard to apply. It's great but it comes off after a few hours/glasses of water.
I want you to see my mouth when I am mouthing off to you.

So there you have it. This entire makeup charade takes me a little under 10 minutes and I bought most of these products on sale from a ShopKo.
So there you have it from start to finish. I love the way I look in makeup and I don't really give a damn what kind of girls you like. Maybe spend your time thinking about dating someone for their intellect rather than their presentation choices. I know it's hard when they're wearing it on their face but if you try really really hard you can do it baby boy. 
Girls can do whatever they want and boys shouldn't tell them what to do! :) :) :) 
Also I don't profess that I know what I'm doing at all. If you want real makeup tips go watch some JuicyStar07 youtubes.

And thus I completed an entire makeup tutorial while wearing only a coat. It's a birthmark, not a hickey, stop asking.

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