Saturday, September 28, 2013

Sure, I'll Show You What I Look Like Without Makeup

Lately a lot of guys have been asking what I look like without makeup (Uh the same, only slightly blotchier and without these black lines over my eyes? How am I supposed to answer that?) or telling me they like girls who wear less makeup or have more of a "natural" look or other bullshit comments like that. Listen, it's great that you reject traditional standards of beauty and think you're really on the forefront of things, but you're only contributing to this confusing thing where women are expected to look nice, told makeup helps them do this, but are also told not to wear it? Pretty confusing. I also feel like these sort of comments also assume that women wear makeup for men--which um, I'm sorry not everything revolves around you!

Sure, you can see what I look like without makeup...I think I look pretty much the same..and I see makeup as more of a daily art project that I get to do on my face every morning. FUNN!!! So fine, whatever here's my makeup "routine" and what I look like without makeup.

Ahh what is that disgusting looking thing? Dude that's my face pre-makeup and you need to be nice. At this moment in time I had taken a shower 10 minutes previously and was trying to look as high as possible. Actually whatever, I think I look fine here I would totally go outside looking like this.
I want to make a comment about looking like a sea monster but I actually think I look great, screw you.

So first I use this bamboo brush from Ecotools to apply foundation to my face. I use Physician's Formula Organic Wear Tinted Moisturizer in "Light to Natural" aka white as all hell. I like both of these products because they're environmentally friendly and free from a lot of gross/harmful chemicals that can give you cancer. It goes on pretty easily and it's light enough to cover "blemishes" and splotchiness and all that good stuff without making your face a completely different color from the rest of your skin.

Next I apply some pH Matchmaker Bronzer stuff all over my face over the other stuff. To be completely honest I don't see the difference this stuff makes but I still do it because it's fun and I heard you're supposed to. Next step!
I fill in my eyebrows with Elf Eyebrow Kit. You can get it at Target and it only costs $3. It makes your eyebrows look so much thicker and fuller and makes my eyebrow twitching so much more dramatic. I only ever use the waxy stuff on the left side with the small side of the brush and throw the other part away when I'm done. Oops?
It makes my sad face so much more dramatic and I want you to know that I'm sad so I make this face. 
Next I put on eyeliner which is the hardest and most fun part, because I love the way eyeliner makes me look like Brigitte Bardot (in my dreams?) and it is very hard to draw straight lines, especially without poking myself in the eye. I use Maybelline Master Precise in the darkest black and I like to make it kinda thick. I have looked into more environmentally friendly eyeliners and some other options but this is sort of the only one I can use without making a huge mess. It will never be even on both sides, it's gonna be ok.

Sometimes I wear mascara but not very often because I have dark and long lashes already and I don't care. But sometimes it seems like a fun thing to do so I put it on. I use Great Lash because it's super cheap although I have heard a lot of people hate this mascara and it's pretty much the worst one. Maybe use a different one cause it's super clumpy. Am I starting to look glamorous or what! 
Sometimes I wear lipstick, not super often but just for special occasions like watching an entire season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my bed. Lately I have been using Revlon Just Bitten in "Gothic" because it makes my lips look so dark red and bloody. Then I look like a vampire or a zombie who just ate some brains which is so cool and scary.
I will beat you up and eat your brains. It worked particularly well this day where--you guessed it--I didn't leave the house.

The color is actually supposed to be a lighter red, I am just putting like a million coats on. I'm not sure I would really recommend this because it's basically a marker for your lips and it's really hard to apply and goes on really uneven. It is also impossible to get off, so it will be there all day. 
On the particular day that I did this tutorial I also put some Maybelline Sensational Lipcolor in "Are You Red-dy" on top of the other stuff. It's just a normal cream lipstick, but it melted in my car so it was very hard to apply. It's great but it comes off after a few hours/glasses of water.
I want you to see my mouth when I am mouthing off to you.

So there you have it. This entire makeup charade takes me a little under 10 minutes and I bought most of these products on sale from a ShopKo.
So there you have it from start to finish. I love the way I look in makeup and I don't really give a damn what kind of girls you like. Maybe spend your time thinking about dating someone for their intellect rather than their presentation choices. I know it's hard when they're wearing it on their face but if you try really really hard you can do it baby boy. 
Girls can do whatever they want and boys shouldn't tell them what to do! :) :) :) 
Also I don't profess that I know what I'm doing at all. If you want real makeup tips go watch some JuicyStar07 youtubes.

And thus I completed an entire makeup tutorial while wearing only a coat. It's a birthmark, not a hickey, stop asking.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Mirror Kisses is a Cool Band That I Like

So at some point i started following Mirror Kisses (@MirrorKissesVA) on twitter without reading their bio or paying a ton of attention to anything other than the fact that it was a pretty funny account. Then today I realized that this is a band! I don't know if their marketing plan is to be really funny so people will listen to their music but if so it's definitely working because I looked them up and not only are they funny but their music is great and they are sexy dudes!!

It's so awesome/frustrating when people are great at multiple things. Go follow Mirror Kisses on twitter and listen to them! This isn't a sponsored post I'm just really excited!!!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Peachcake: Who Are These People and Why Does This Music Suck (an actual title of one of their songs)

This blog post comes to your bloodshot computer-strained eyes through the ingenuity of the internet and the beautiful pixels on your 13" inch macbook with a small crack in the screen that you made from dropping your iphone on it oh, I forgot that's just me, but also from my terrible childhood where I grew up in Qatar with no friends and spent most of my time on the computer downloading mp3's from The Music Slut which actually isn't even a thing anymore and maybe don't even go there because yeah there are some weird jpegs there alright it's the internet.

Anyways, Peachcake was a band I found out about on Myspace, probably somewhere around the eighth grade and they probably had at least 300 myspace friends. Their sound is pretty upbeat and pop-punky, pretty close to Hellogoodbye, who they opened for on tour and are at least 5 times less listenable than. Cue Peachcake song which was actually sort of difficult to find because some people post recipes for peach cake on youtube and I guess this was before the time when bands' names had to have a certain googlability.

This song was one of the first I heard and I find it equally annoying and enjoyable. This youtube commenter sums up the Peachcake //~brand~// very accurately:
Peachcake had great song names like "Jeremiah, Stop Taking Bukowski So Seriously...," "Stop Acting Like You Know More About The Internet Cafe Than Me," and "Did I Just Do That, Or Was It Jim Carrey," so I would highly recommend listening to them, if not for the whole music aspect than for the rush of seeing these ridiculous sentences on your ipod and screwing up your radio.
"Why do I do  this, why do I care and why does anyone care for that matter?"--Peachcake: the voice of a generation or at least twelve high school seniors who quoted them in their yearbooks.

I guess the band actually came out with an album last year and added a blonde girl with bangs on the ukulele for the ~schwing!~/adorkable appeal but this song says they will "love me anyway" even though I am hardcore trash talking these bros online and considering the chances that these guys work at arbys/home depot/hot topic/radioshack/hotdog on a stick/Ross Dress for Less/a record store that is going out of business due to the rise in music pirating, respectively.

Um, In Conclusion I am writing this because I get pissed off when I google things that matter to me and nothing I want comes up and Peachcake needs to be a chapter of music history recorded in the 10110100101's of the internet for all time or whatever. ...I hope you never read this blog again either.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Chvrches First Listen

Chvrches' debut album is streaming over at NPR first listen and its the perfect dream pop cloud of joy everyone expected plus more. Go listen to it and check out my favorite track below: