Monday, July 29, 2013

I 'Can't Believe It' Either



I couldn't possibly hate this any more. And I can't believe this kind of stuff exists. Dismembered women's bodies? Someone wasn't paying attention during Miss Representation.
            "Women are often presented in a dehumanized way in mass media images, their                humanity sacrificed to display the artificial ideal.  Women are not only turned into a thing, but the thing is broken down into component parts, each of which also represents an ideal form.  She is dismembered.  Hence we get numerous images of lips, legs, breasts, butts, torsos - female body parts.  Frequently in such images the head is missing, emphasizing that females are not valued for their intellect, but for their external form, their curves.  Sut Jhally points out that presenting women as fragmented and disconnected body parts detracts from thinking about women as real people with their own intellect, feelings, dreams and desires.  Women become objects for consumption." 

So thanks Flo Rida (aka FLORIDA. I know your name is just the word "Florida" with a space in the middle of it and it pisses me off that you're making me write it that way), and Pitbull for reducing women to pieces of ass. This is awful. I am more than just a booty, I am a woman with a brain who is p-i-s-s-e-d.

Really you should just watch this instead:


Or this:

Or this:

(YEAH IM ENDING THIS WITH A BEYONCE VIDEO BECAUSE HER SEXUALITY IS LARGELY FOR FEMALE, NOT MALE CONSUMPTION AND SHE PROMOTES THE IDEA OF HEALTHY BEAUTIFUL BODIES AND BEING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN AND SHE'S A FEMINIST QUEEN FEEL FREE TO TRY AND FIGHT ME ON THIS YOU WILL LOSE)

NOT BUYING IT NOT BUYING IT NOT BUYING IT!!!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Taylor Swift's Childhood Home is For Sale

QUIT BITCHING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT
no way. our love-hate relationship is more alive than ever.
BUT: get this--you could own Taylor Swift's Childhood Home! With a donation of $800,000 and a son of marriageable age! (just kidding i actually don't think it's cool to judge young teen stars for their dating choices it's actually really shallow and dumb) It was "home to Taylor Swift, who lived here for 10 yrs before moving to Nashville to become a star!" Uhh sellout much? 
In all, this just solidifies my belief that the best way to be a famous musician is to have rich parents.
So hey Taylor maybe shut up about being such an "average girl" when you grew up in a 6 bed, 5 bath 5,000 square foot house where you lived with your parents and one sibling.
I was born into a tiny apartment in the ghetto part of Santa Barbara, near one of Oprah's mansions but in the area where her janitors lived. And this is why I probably won't be successful.



Taylor Swift's '22' vs. My '22'


I feel like Taylor Swift has NO grasp on reality. Clearly she has millions of dollars, travels the world, and hangs out with celebrities so like, it's time to cut the crap that you know what it's like to be a regular 22-year-old girl, Taylor. Here's your reality check:

"It feels like the perfect night to dress up like hipsters"
HELL TO THE NO. First off, people should only wear prescription glasses because they can't see. If you're wearing fake glasses for ~fashion~ you're just mocking my disability. Also 90% chance you're an asshole. Shoutout to the first selfie i ever took on this laptop.

"We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time"

I think I'm just lonely

"It's miserable and magical, oh yeah"
No, it's just miserable

22...

22 ooh oooh ooh...
:(

22 oh oh oh...

22




WE DIDN'T GET BEYONCE TICKETS: A BEYHIVE TRAGEDY

Today was supposed to be the best day ever. Me and my #1 Homegirl Tatiana were like:
LET'S GO TO VEGAS AND GO SEE BEYONCE IN DECEMBER!!! I've never even been to Vegas before because I do nothing fun with my life and we were so looking forward to seeing our queen. Tatiana had a Beyoncé themed birthday party last year, I learned half of the dance to Run the World (which is also my ringtone) and watched her superbowl performance 11 times, and we both have Beyoncé lock screens on our phones WE ARE DEVOTED FANS AND BEYONCÉ HAS GOTTEN US THROUGH SO MUCH (I'm already crying). No seriously I have so much love and adoration for that woman and her music has made me the person I am today and gotten me through so much like you have no idea ok!?

THIS WAS OUR DAY:

11AM: Tatiana gets on the ~nets~ to buy some tickets for the show in Vegas, they are SOLD OUT immediately while she is trying to type in one of those stupid secret codes that don't even look like anything.

11:14 Tatiana calls me at work to see what we should do and basically its like:

11:30

The only tickets left are hundreds of dollars and we are two poor a$$ white girls with crappy cars and apartments who are planning on going to grad school and the interest rate on students loans has just doubled and unlike some of my friends who go on dates every night we both actually have to buy things like groceries. The world is going to eat us alive. EVERYTHING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

2:00 Tatiana drowns her sorrow in FroYo like a true c0LLeGe gIrL~*


2:45 IS THIS IS A SWEET DREAM OR A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CRYING EMOJIS FOR THIS CATASTROPHE.

3PM Things fail to improve

(I know that's not what that emoji means just go with me here)

We decide to go into mourning (thus the black squares) so if you see me wearing black a lot it's because I have decided to go goth and also I am in mourning like Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind only actually sad.


5PM: I drive home from work and feel like I'm going to throw up on the freeway which could either be because I'm upset or because I ate a homemade kale smoothie that was very old. I contemplate what would actually happen if I barfed while driving 70 MPH on the freeway. I probably would have died which would be a great end to this story.

8:45PM I'm just spending my night alone listening to Beyoncé thinking about how sad I am and I can't even find my roommate's dog to keep me company :( :( :(