Thursday, July 26, 2012

10 of the strangest things sold on Amazon

When I had amazon prime, I bought everything on amazon.  Last year I bought all of my family's Christmas gifts from amazon. I bought a laptop case, two SD cards, shorts, clogs, lotion, all of my textbooks, a lolcats book, and an umbrella (among other things). I bought soap on amazon. Twice. Unfortunately I no longer have free two-day shipping but I still remember thinking about buying some really weird stuff just because like, it was there.

1. Wolf Urine
So apparently some people sprinkle wolf urine on their gardens to keep deer and other animals out. I didn't always know this so pretend like I didn't tell you that and it's funnier and more bizarre. Also the reviews on this are hilarious. Oh look--it's on sale!
The most troubling part of this is probably the shipping process. What if the container leaks? What if the smell actually lures wolves? The possibilities for diaster are endless.

2.Uranium Ore
Not really sure how this is legal. Guess it's $50 for a reason.

3. Fresh Whole Rabbit
So this is rabbit is for you to prepare and eat in your home. It helps that the picture is already so appetizing.
jk it looks like a dead fetus :(

Why is this anti-birth control book $132? It's not even hardback!  Also the description was in all caps so I didn't read it but it's probably pretty funny so I'll post a screenshot here. 
Not really sure what you would use this for. Ages 18+. This is mainly just disgusting.

Data disintegrators are high security machines capable of destroying:
  • All types of paper
  • Credit Cards
  • Company I.D. badges
  • Audio tapes and cassettes
  • Floppy disk
  • CD-Rom/DVD
  • Plastic Credit Cards
  • View Graphs
  • Microfilm
  • 4mm and 8mm cassettes
  • Currency
  • Books and Manuals
  • Securities, Stocks and Bonds
It is approved by the U.S. Department of State to discard even the most confidential files. So basically, if you're super paranoid and a regular shredder/scissors won't work,  it might be worth the $68,000. Also it's lookin pretty retro, so these will probably come back in style. Be the first of your friends to instagram it.

I don't know whats going on here. It honestly reminds me of this time two days ago when the lock button on my iphone wasn't working and I almost sent a bunch of people texts that said "zzzzzlkd;flkdf  ;;//;;234 ....... ..adfgekzzzzzz." Either way, the reviews say that jjjj really hit it home on this one.(read the reviews they are funny)

For people who hate Nancy Pelosi so much, they literally want to wipe their butts with her face. Made possible by the internet. In no other country would you be allowed to spear poop all over a politician's face. Thanks America!!!!

For some reason this really grosses me out. You know when you think you're about to take a sip of milk but it's water and it's really gross? Imagine that with meatballs and bubblegum. Imagine the texture of meatballs and the flavor of bubblegum. My brain is throwing up. If you somehow prank me with these I will never talk to you again. Serious.
Do you ever see a squirrel running around in the forest and think, man that thing should really be wearing some underpants! It's so unhygienic! Then these are definitely for you. 
In all seriousness though, I don't understand how this would work. First off, the only way you can ever get close enough to a squirrel is through luring it with peanuts. That would mean a squirrel mouth/teeth would be near/on you. Disease central! Squirrel underpants are probably how AIDS got started. The risk of squirrel bite is SO high, you probably have a 90% change of getting squirrel rabies. People have to go to the hospital and get shots when they get bitten by dogs, and people keep those things in their homes as pets and let them run their tongues all over their children. Think of how much more disgusting squirrels probably are. I rest my case.

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